Why?

Because I want to know so I can spend less money on my divorce.

Why?

Because I’d rather have more money in my pocket and less money in my divorce attorney’s pocket.

Why?

Because while I like my divorce attorney, I’d rather by myself a Porsche and put my kids through college than my divorce attorney.

Why?

I guess because I’m just selfish!  Or maybe because if I’m going to “spread the wealth” out of pure generosity than need, I’d rather give my money to a charity other than “My divorce attorney et al!”

Why?

Because money is valuable!  Do I have to state the obvious?  This is getting me no where!

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I reads like an Abbott and Costello script, doesn’t it?

“Why” is the one word that can save you thousands of dollars in divorce attorney fees.  Actually, said more accurately, avoiding the word “why” will save you the thousands of dollars.

Questions that start with “why,” or its cousin, “but why,” are not questions at all, but rather, statements of the divorcing person’s feelings.  On the surface, it sounds illogical, but it’s true.  I’ve seen many divorce clients run up thousands of dollars in unnecessary attorney fees because they just can’t recognize the truth in this.

1.  “Why does my spouse get to destroy our marriage and then get rewarded with a boat-load of money?”

2.  “Why does my spouse get an adjournment just because he/she wants to ruin my schedule, but when I ask for an adjournment, it gets denied?”

3.  “Why do I have to fill out answers to all these questions when I know my spouse isn’t going to give real answers?”

4.  “Why do I have to pay for a business valuation when I pay all the bills and my spouse is socking money away?”

These questions are really statements that say, “I am frustrated, angry and resentful that my spouse is ___________.”  Feelings are expected, and justified, and real.  But asking an attorney to help you process a feeling is asking for permission to fork over hundreds or thousands of dollars for the wrong person to do the job. 

And, because the feelings are cloaked in this supposedly legitimate question of “why” that contains words relating to the legal process, the attorney gives legal explanations, which do absolutely nothing to help with the underlying emotion.  In fact, often times, the divorcing person’s emotions escalate exactly because their divorce attorney is giving them “legal mumbo-jumbo” which is not adequately helping them with their feelings.

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